Today was one of the hardest days of my life. For the first time in over 18 years I didn’t kick off a new season of Kid’s Church. To make it worse… of course, it rained.
Change is difficult. I suppose I should feel some relief from my former hyperbusy hyperacheiver hyperactive hyperministry hyperspeed pace of life… and in many ways I do. But I still miss painfully the things I loved most… and have deep regrets that are still healing. I prayed for one phone call today from one person who might realize what today was and meant to me… but instead, God must have wanted me to feel the emptiness and loneliness of loss. My head understands and is accepting, but my heart is still catching up and has quite a ways to go. One day at a time. One relationship at a time. One prayer at a time.
I’ve not allowed myself much time to focus on what these changes in life have cost me – selfishness got me into the mess I got myself into – so I don’t feel entitled to focus on my own losses, but today, when I would have been doing Kids Church, I went ahead and sat out in the rain and just let God cry for me.
Then I went in, took a shower, got dressed, and set all that self-pity aside, remembering:
God’s a safe-house for the battered,
A sanctuary during bad times,
The moment you arrive, you relax;
Your’re never sorry you knocked.
Psalm 9:9 The Message
Yes, it was a bleary drab day… but then I decided to take my camera and look for some beauty in the rain. To focus my lense closely on the water that had created a pool on the patio table, and I made a discovery…. When you stand back and look out over a grey rainy day, there doesn’t seem to be much hope. But when you get closer and look at what God is creating… and allow for some color and detail to be studied, focused upon, and enhanced… beauty can be created out of the gloom. And that is the business God is in… taking gloom and transforming it into hope.
Enjoy these pictures I took this morning. Each, if clicked on, will open in a new window in wallpaper size. I put them all into a folder and made them my screen saver.
If you too are in the midst of a difficult time in life, join me, in looking a little closer at what God is doing. And in the midst of the grey and the steady rain you may find that He is doing a work of art in your life too. Adding detail and depth and color that can’t be seen from the casual pessimistic glance of the human eye. You have to look closer, within, and allow Him to bring focus and color into your soul. Most won’t see it happening. Most can’t see past the storm… but God isn’t only in the business of creating grand sweeping sunsets and glorious mountain ranges of beauty… He is into the small details too. And if we will allow Him, He will find and create beauty even in the midst of our gloomist days.