OK, enough serious poems for now. You may not know that I was once known as the “White Boy Rapper” and could hold my own in rap fights with the ‘brothers’ in high school. I was the new kid, having just moved to Chicago in time to start 11th grade. I was surprised when I arrived to see how separate the whites and blacks were in my Chicago south suburban high school, when in my previous high school in California there did not seem to be the obvious racial separation. I made a bold move to sit in the “black section” at lunch and it began an adventure that turned out to be a highlight for me in high school. Persecution? Some, but I made some great friends, and after telling these ‘brothers’ for weeks about a “white boy rapper” I knew who could whoop ’em all in a rap fight… I finally set a day for them to meet him on a lunch break (we had open campus at lunch) and after waiting and waiting, when there was only 15 minutes left to lunch, I pulled out a pair of black 80’s style shades (well, it was the 80’s!) and had my first rap fight… to hear those white boy raps you have to hear them in person, as I won’t post them! (most are still memorized, but will die with me!) But I have done them a few times when I speaking in a black church. But I loved the challenge of making up raps on the spot and going back and forth trying to outdo the other guy and myself. In raps fights, winning isn’t the goal, it is simply surviving; not messing up really bad! Which happened a lot, but even in losing, I earned their respect. The doors to witnessing that were opened were fun and amazing.
ANYWAY – I decided I WILL post one of my “raps.” This was not from those playground fights, but was written for a Parent Appreciation Dinner in high school when the teens served their parents a meal and put on a program. I was asked to do a white boy rap with some friends doing the sound effects behind me. I don’t have this written anywhere, it is still in my head, and usually my puppet Gus does it now… but here it is, preserved now for posterity!
The other day while I was kickin’ back in my room,
Little did I know my Mom was coming home soon.
My radio was on up to the Richter scale,
And my whole entire room – it smelled kinda stale.
I was kicking back on stuff, ten feet above my bed,
And then I remembered what my mamma said,
She said, “When I get home if this room’s not clean…
When your father gets home he’s gonna see a bloody scene!”
So I snapped alert, I jumped off the bed,
And by the time I hit the ground I nearly broke my head!
I started to clean up the awful mess,
But where to start? I just couldn’t guess!
So I opened up my drawers, shoved my stuff inside,
And put my clothes in the machine with the whole box of Tide.
Next I filled a garbage pale, then two and three and four…
Then I made a discovery…. my room it had a floor!
I worked really hard, I mean it was a BIG mess!
I even found my Bible, now doesn’t God bless?
Well, I worked all day, man, it was a big job,
And when I just got done, I heard the door knob.
Well I went downstairs, I said “How was your day?”
My mamma looked at me and said “You’d better start to pray!”
She walked right by me headin’ for my room,
And I could see she was thinkin’ and planning my doom!
But then she opened up the door, and she looked inside…
It took five buckets of water before she’s revive!
When she finally came to, she was in a state of shock!
She was so dumbfounded, she couldn’t even talk!
She said, “Karl, it’d be nice if you always would,
Keep your room like this, like you know you should.”
I said, “Hey, Mom, I’m a kid, I got things to do,
Places to go, friends to see, and lots of problems too.
But if it really is as bad as you say….
Let’s go check out your room, it’s right this way!”
Karl Bastian, 1988
Hope you enjoyed it… now GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM!