Comments on: Take Your Life Back From the Church

By: mary

mary — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:02:03 +0000

You are right too! It is a very hard thing to do. I think that you have to make solid boundries for yourself and hold fast to them. It might sound harsh but I do not take work home and I only give out my cell phone number in emergency situations. People seem to respect that. I think when we allow our family time to be interupted by ministry time that’s when we make the mistake. Every CP family knows that during VBS they are not going to have you around. But that cannot be an every week occassion. It really is up to us to put the brakes on and decide what we are willing to say yes to and what we need to put on the back burner. Also, remember that ministry is helping to make disciples….if you are doing all the work…how is anyone else growing?

By: kidologist

kidologist — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:37:46 +0000

Mary, you are so right – you are so right. The trick, is how to DO that. Most CPs would SAY that God is first, family is second and ministry is third (or lower down the list) but how to put that into practice in reality is something different entirely because the church often does not truly allow CPs to do that, the demands are just so great, it is so hard to put your foot down and KEEP family first. And God and ministry get mixed, when they are quite separate!

By: mary

mary — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:05:18 +0000

Hi Karl,
13 years ago when I first started in Children’s Ministry a wise woman told me that the correct order is God first, Family second and your ministry job is down the list. I have had to put that advice into practice many times over the years and I believe that what you and this wise person told me is very true. I wish I could get a hold of every new children’s director and tell them that!!
Thanks for all you do!

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:39:20 +0000

I left my children’s ministry job 5 years ago, in a very injured state. I fit the description in your article. It was something I loved deeply and was very committed to, for the right reasons. I do remember feeling so hurt that my sacrifices were not appreciated by the church management. Knowing I had given my best efforts in ministry and not having much left when I arrived home. I needed that time just to recover and go back again. Even my sleep was not my own, as I lay awake problem solving. So yes, I understand your point in the article very well. I am not sure what the solution is, because these positions do have so many demands. Children’s ministry never rests! I am grateful to not carry such a heavy load now! I am able to “be” not always in a state of “doing”.

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:35:04 +0000

Thanks, Karl, your words affirm what several people have been telling me. I have poured myself into ministry at church and continued to say ‘yes’; as I do that I am saying ‘no’ to my family and myself. Too busy ‘doing’; not spending time ‘being’! I need to make changes in my priorities. God bless you and thank you again for your heartfelt message.

By: Joan

Joan — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:40:10 +0000

Thank you so much for the encouragement. With the busyness of the holidays, this is great. I wish I had found it in Dec when I needed the uplift for cancelling a service. God knew when I needed it…thanks for letting me know its okay. My family is very important to me. We are dealing with health issues in our family and it is taking me away from my ministry duties. I feel guilty because I am just part time, then not to carry thru with force?? Makes me feel like I’m letting the church and the kids down. Then I have to remember, my parents have always been there for me…I need to be there for them, along with my husband and son. I am missing meetings because they are scheduled the same time my son has basketball games. I don’t want to miss these school memories or son memories…I hate guilt!!!!

Thanks Karl, for being there for us. Thanks for understanding. God Bless you:)

By: Ronda

Ronda — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:38:01 +0000

I just read this…. Thank you!

By: Kassie

Kassie — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:55:06 +0000

Thank you for this post. It comes a the perfect time. I believe my ministry to my family is very pleasing to God.

By: Rebbecca

Rebbecca — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:36:59 +0000

Hi! I am a product of a mother who had choosen to be more with the church than with me growing up. I’m surprised with how much I love going to church and how active I am, because normally I should’ve hated how it took my mother’s attention soo much. But I understand that it was just her human instinct to be away from my drunk father and find solace, but even as a kid I could have provide something for her or atleast had solace in each other cuz we were both there with him. Now that I’m a mother, I definitely try to be with my daughter more, no matter how much I love my children in ministry and my church family (but I do drag Elaina around with me as much as possible, the best part is that she loves being at church as much as I do). And thankfully people know now that family comes first and they don’t hold it against me if I can’t be there for everything!
Thanks for your passionate message! I wish you could’ve been around for my mom!
XOXO

By: s05ullivan

s05ullivan — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:56:52 +0000

This applies to Moses (Exodus 4:24-26) as well as to us. The new Awana-at-home leader kit has a great DVD video message from Dr. Rienow on this. The price of the kit is worth this video alone.

– Sean

By: Jeanette

Jeanette — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:35:08 +0000

Excellent thoughts Karl. I did take the challenge this past year after a heart attack and subsequent heart surgery. Did great for the first five months and when the leadership in my congregation began struggling with the fact that I was no longer always available the pressure to conform increased and I crumbled back into my old ways. The economy continued to crumble and the offerings did as well. Staff people quit, or moved out of state. Leadership continued to pile more on my plate and I pushed back.

I’m no longer at that congregation anymore. The economy forced my position to be eliminated and volunteers are now in charge of the ministry while the church continues to struggle to keep the doors open.

In the last four weeks I have doted on myself. My closets and home are totally organized and neat as a pin. My laundry is never overflowing. My garden is planted and blooming. I actually get to the gym regularly and the chest pain that I lived with regularly is now slowly going away. In my next ministry position – or any position I am taking the words of wisdom from you and others and no longer choosing to be held captive. The concept of burning out for Jesus is no longer in my vocabulary. I will be a healthier person and a more powerful minister in the future.

By: Darlene

Darlene — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:48:36 +0000

Great post Karl. I had to learn and relearn the importance of not letting ministry take over my life (especially as a single women – churches sometimes take advantage of this…).

I read a book that drastically turned my thinking around – “Leading on Empty” by Wayne Cordeiro. I constantly fight aggressively for proper balance, not just in December, but have disciplined myself weekly to have at least one FULL day of rest and relaxation – I say no to lots of stuff on that day and even though not everyone in my life understands or accepts this practice, they still know to expect me to decline “doing” because I am taking time to “be.”

Thanks again for the post…

By: Todd McKeever

Todd McKeever — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:46:19 +0000

Great post Karl. I am really enjoying all the great comments as well to this wonderful reminder and incredible challenge.

By: Brittany Cottle

Brittany Cottle — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:25:26 +0000

Thank you so much for the challenge. My husband and I just talked about this issue this morning. We so appreciate you sharing the lessons learned. I needed to hear this. Merry Christmas, Brittany

By: Marty

Marty — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:23:57 +0000

Karl, very deeply and profoundly affected by your post here. Still praying about more than just the holiday seasons. Pastoring is one of those jobs that is very hard “to leave at the office” we take it with us everywhere, at home to our kids activities and even on vacation. It also creeps into not only the amount of time we spend with God, but the quality of time we spend with Him. no matter how much we say it we in the ministry fight so hard against seeing our relationship with Him in terms of doing rather than being!

God bless!
Marty

By: Annie B.

Annie B. — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:06:09 +0000

AMEN! Fear God, not man or what man can do to you! Don’t fear failure or what you will look like.
One of the most important things that isn’t highlighted quite enough is the importance of a SCHEDULE! Pray about it and get it written down. Include personal time, family time, office time, date night, one on one time with one of your kids, ministry time, ect…It may seem like you would loose some freedom and flexibility, but really it does the opposite and you gain more freedom! Your priorities will show to those around you when you do this!
Also, there is peace that when things are undone that it’s ok because you have done exactly what God said to do. The part I am working on now is the discipline it takes to stick to it, which is where accountability comes in. My pastors, husband and even my own children have my schedule. It’s on my fridge and I go to it several times a day to make sure I am on track. It’s hard, but the effort pays off almost immediately!

By: Karyn

Karyn — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:48:19 +0000

Thank you Karl! Definitely what I needed to hear (from yet another source) at this time. I’m experiencing a lot of what you mentioned as difficult times. Thank you for the encouragement and affirmation of what I believe God is leading.

By: Jamie Doyle

Jamie Doyle — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:18:46 +0000

Right on Karl – I have had to take drastic measures in my own life and calling. Thankfully, my Pastor sees eye to eye with me and allows – should I say encourages his staff to be gone with family. And guess what? Our church and ministries here are still strong and growing

By: Greg Baird

Greg Baird — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:14:41 +0000

Karl I couldn’t agree more. Having just been unceremoniously let go (along with several others) from a church that I poured myself in to, it was a hard realization (again!) of what’s most important…and it’s NOT my church ministry. I am thankful now for where we’re at…though it is less “secure”, it is more meaningful. My two junior high boys are and will continue to benefit from my re-ordered priorities.
Thanks for the challenge!

By: This Week in Children’s Ministry for 11/24/2009

This Week in Children’s Ministry for 11/24/2009 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:36:09 +0000

[...] Pastor Karl says take your life back from your church [...]

By: Dave T.

Dave T. — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:32:38 +0000

Amen brother! How true it is. My heart also breaks talking to fellow pastors and people involved in or working for the church that make such cuts to their family time for the sake of church ministries or programs. “Choosing to Cheat” is an AWESOME book that I would also recommend. Especially if you have your whole staff or team read it together and then discuss it!

thanx for the great reminder Karl!

By: zoe

zoe — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:05:58 +0000

WOW! So totally confirms some of the stuff god has been saying to me lately! Hmmmmmmmmm…………………………. Decisions to be made I think!

By: Josh

Josh — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:01:54 +0000

Color me impressed. Very good sentiment here, Karl. Family should definitely come first. On that we can agree.

By: Gary Modine

Gary Modine — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:45:29 +0000

Andy Stanley wrote a book titled “Choosing To Cheat.” It’s about how we and unwillingly choose to cheat our family by being codependent (my word) with ministry.

You are totally right on! I also carry regrets from misguided ministry priorities. Guard your family time. There are no “do overs” at home.