So, what do you think? Are you going to get in line?

Dr. Nut Tin Wong

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Beer also made of grain. Fruits & grains good for you.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain…… good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these days in vegetable oil.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!?  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid’s great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in  Montana  in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows  in  Montana  territory:

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: ‘Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.’

So Judy recently e-mailed Congressman Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Harry Reid:

Believe it or not, Harry Reid’s staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

“Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”

NOW THAT’s how it’s done, Folks! That’s real POLITICAL SPIN!

Don’t Like Green Eggs
and Ham?

Jimmy Jim says TRY JESUS!

JESUS LOVE YOU!
I’m Jimmy Jim!
JESUS LOVES YOU!
Will you accept Him?

That Jimmy Jim!
That Jimmy Jim!
I do not like that Jimmy Jim!

Do you know Jesus?
Do you know Him?
Would you like to accept Him?

I do not want to be a Christian, Jimmy Jim!
I do not want to accept Him!

Would you accept him here or there?

I would not accept him here or there.
I would not accept him anywhere.
I do not want to be a Christian.
I will not accept him, Jimmy Jim.

Would you accept him in a house?
Would you accept him with a mouse?

I will not accept Him in a house,
I will not accept Him with a mouse.
I will not accept Him here or there,
I would not accept Him anywhere.
I do not want to be a Christian,
I will not accept Him, Jimmy Jim.

Would you accept Him in a box?
Would you accept Him with a fox?

Not in a box,
Not with a fox.
Not in a house,
Not with a mouse!
I would not accept Him here or there,
I would not accept Him anywhere!
I will not become a Christian!
I do not want Him Jimmy Jim!

Would you? Could you? In a cart?
Accept Him! Accept Him! Into your heart!?

I would not, could not, in a cart,
I would not, could not, into my heart!

If you’d accept Him, you would be
On your way to Heaven for eternity.
If you’d accept him you would see!
You may accept him, in a tree?

I would not, could not in a tree,
Not in a cart, you let me be.
Not in my heart, now can’t you see?!

I will not accept Him in a box
I will not accept Him with a fox.
I will not accept Him in a house,
I will not accept Him with a mouse.
I will not accept Him here or there,
I would not accept Him anywhere!
I do not want to be a Christian!
I will not accept Him Jimmy Jim.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you, on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a cart, Jim! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a box.
I would not, could not, with a fox.
I will not accept Him with a mouse,
I will not accept Him in a house.
I will not accept Him here or there,
I would not accept Him anywhere.
I do not want to be a Christian,
I do not need Him, Jimmy Jim.

Say! In the dark? Alone in the dark?
Would you, could, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain,
Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a cart. Not in a tree.
I do not want Him, Jim, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not accept Him here or there.
I will not accept Him anywhere!

Jesus loves you!
Will you love Him?
He died for you!
Won’t you accept Him?

I will not accept Him, Jimmy Jim.
I could not accept Him with all my sin!

But when you accept Him,
Your sins are all gone!
Jesus forgives everything you’ve done wrong!
That’s what it says in the Book that He wrote,
So could you, would you…. with a goat?

I would not, could not, with a goat!

Would you, could you, on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not accept Him in the rain.
I will not accept Him on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a cart! You let me be!
Not in my heart! Get away from me!

I will not accept Him in a box.
I will not accept Him with a fox.
I will not accept Him in a house,
I will not accept Him with a mouse.
I will not accept Him here or there.
I would not accept Him ANYWHERE!
(getting weak)

I do not want to be a Christian,
I do not need him, Jimmy Jim.

You do not need him,
So you say,
But Try Him! Try Him!
Please just pray.
Try Him and you may, I say.

Jim!
Since you will not let me be,
I will try him so I can see,
Just why you keep on telling me.
That Jesus died so I can be,
Right with God for eternity.

I’m not so sure,
Just what to pray,
But if He loves me as you say,
Then I will pray
This very day
And have my sins
Washed right away.

Jesus, You know that I have sinned,
Probably more than Jimmy Jim,
But he says you love me, and if it’s true,
I’d like to be a Christian too.
Come in my heart and make me clean,
I do not want to be so mean.
I’d like to live forever more,
If you will take me, I am yours.

Say! I’m a Christian now!
I accepted Him, Jimmy Jim!
And now I’ll love Him in a boat!
And I will love Him with a goat!
And I will love him in the rain!
And in the dark! And on a train!
And in a cart! And in a tree!
He’s in my heart, He loves me!
He is so good, so good, you see!

So I will love Him in a box!
And I will love Him with a fox!
And I will love Him in a house!

And I will love Him with a mouse!
And I will love Him here and there!
Say! I will love Him ANYWHERE!

I DO love Jesus!
I DO love Him!
I’m glad that I accepted Him.
Thank you! Thank you, Jimmy Jim.

Original Story,
“Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss.

This Christian parody written
and copyrighted by Karl D. Bastian.
1994

Sample from The Christmas Zone on Kidology.org
(Original Kidology Post)

So many people are so resistant to Christ, unwilling, for vaious reasons to even give Christ a try – usually because of Christians they have met, or seen in the media or movies – or misconceptions, and so they simply will not TRY JESUS, because they want nothing to do with the Jesus they have a perception of.

The problem is, the Jesus they are rejecting, I’ve rejected too – and Jesus would reject too, if they would read the Gospels! That Jesus doesn’t exist. In fact, it’s why He was crucified. The religious establishment didn’t like His message.

So, for my atheist and non-Christian friends, forgive my persistence, but you really really ought to try the Jesus of the Bible – not the Jesus of obnoxious Christians. (I don’t like them either!) And I apologize for all the things that have been done in the “Name” of Christ, yes, they were wrong. That isn’t the real Jesus.

Not even the Jesus I reflect at times, unfortunately. I’m a terrible mirror Him, often.

But the real Jesus, who created you, set you free, loves you despite how you use that freedom – then died for you to pay the penalty for the consequences of how you’ve used that freedom. And patiently waits for you to return to Him.

Jesus is often called the Meek Savior. But don’t confuse meek with weak. Meek is NOT weak. Meek is restrained power. He is powerful alright! Someday that power will be unleashed in judgment on this world and those who have not accepted his offer of salvation will be judged, and no one is getting away with anything. Those who have wronged you, will pay. But you and I will pay too, if we’ve not gotten right with our Creator. But everyone who has accepted His offer of forgiveness, will be granted such. Luckily for me (I need it) I’ve accepted it.

I hope many others will too. Before it is too late.

I DO love Jesus!
I DO love Him!
I’m glad that I accepted Him.
Thank you! Thank you, Jimmy Jim.

Just thought I’d put that out there since I have nothing to blog about.

RT w/ http://tinyurl.com/num1blogrule

Yesterday I could not find my shoes. I had gone up and down the stairs and searched every room of the house at least three times. I was managing to keep my grumbling humorous so as to hide the real anger that was mounting inside because I had a four year old following me and offering to help me in my hunt. But the volume and frequency of my complaints were growing even as I kept them light hearted on the surface, since I had impressionable little eyes and ears watching me. But we were eager to out the door and the delay in finding these shoes was delaying us, and I was getting acutely frustrated. (A scene I hope is not limited to our home?)

The shoes that were acquitted

In the end, my shoes were found – in the first floor coat closet – with all daddy’s shoes, right where they belong, just under some other shoes.

As I went to couch to put them on, my little boy behind me, I was eager for an outlet for my bottled up anger, but still wanting to keep things light for my son, and so I found the “perfect” fun solution, and said to Luke, “Let’s spank the bad shoes for making us late” and proceeded to spank one of the shoes for all the frustration it had inflicted upon me for the past 15 minutes and invited my son to spank the other shoe before I put them on.

Then it happened.

My four year old put me to shame.

Luke simply went into an judicial statement such as a Supreme Court Justice would before handing down a judgement in the highest court of the land.

“Daddy, when you come home, and take off your shoes, you are supposed to take off your shoes and put them in the coat closet so they don’t get dirt on the floor and make a mess in the house. That is where the shoes go. So the shoes were in the right place. So they didn’t do anything wrong. So they don’t deserve a spanking. So I’m not going to spank that shoe and you shouldn’t be spanking that other one either.“

And I’m supposed to be the father here! Where did my son get this sense of justice? And for a SHOE? I must be doing something right! I was stunned, but proud.

I told my four year old he was right.

And apologized to the shoe.

And then tonight, I SOLVED IT!

I have used all kinds of systems. I have had post-it notes on it, going row by row. I have made photo copies and cut it up and tried sorting it. But I never finished any system. Then here, in my new house in Colorado, I hung it up in the restroom in the new Kidology office thinking there I might have more time to devote to this evil poster. (I know, TMI!) And today, I was in there patiently dealing with one of my Colorado bloody noses (I get those a lot here, part of my adapting to the altitude, and since I’m on blood thinning meds due to my heart episode, they take longer to stop… yeah, more TMI!) I was looking at this infernal poster and tried a new strategy…

If I was the artist, where would I put the two identical pen men?

and suddenly, I SAW THEM! Seriously! All these years of starring, and systems, and going row by row, and all I had to do was get into the mind of the artist, and WA-LA! I solved it!

So…. can YOU find the two identical Pen Men? You can click on the photo for a larger view. Don’t put the answer in the comments (moron) but send me the answer (row and number from the left) via e-mail me or private message via FB or DM via twitter and the first person to tell me I will mail you a prize! Seriously, I will! I PROMISE, and it will be a GOOD PRIZE! I’m very generous.

What is the Kidology Handbook? CLICK THIS TO FIND OUT:

It’s the craziest video I ever made! The “back story” is I spent all day on a promo video that I had to trash because of a table saw in the background that I didn’t hear until I went to edit! My webmaster left on vacation with the Kidology newsletter  already cued and ready to go with a file name where I was to upload a video! So I had to head back to the Kidology headquarter after midnight to film… late, tired, wired on Dew, and desperate for a promo video… and this was the result! Turned out to be one of the best promo videos I’ve ever done. Last minute wackiness at its best! Order a Kidology Handbook Today. And just for reading this far, use the coupon code ‘penmen’ get $5 off your order, never expires! How’s that oh faithful blog readers! (Will work only on the handbook, once per e-mail address.)

Luke's Favorite Jesus - Because He's Dressed in Purple!

While I doubt “Baby Manny” will catch on as a name for the baby in the manger, isn’t it wonderful to be reminded that the awesome and powerful Creator of the universe desires to have a close and intimate, even familiar, relationship with us? I think the Almighty God, who once said we could call him Abba Father, or “Daddy,” wouldn’t mind his son being called “Baby Manny” if it endeared us to Him more.

This Christmas, don’t let the hustle and bustle of the season distract you from the Child who cries for your attention. After all, Baby Manny is the Reason for the Season! He is God with Us!

(This is the intro to the Kidology Newsletter this week,
read the entire newsletter online)

Here is the text of the e-mail: (source unknown)

I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

It was fun while it lasted

Hope you get a kick out of it too! I thought it was pretty creative, but can totally see why the poor guy had to take it down! It’s something I’d do but my wife would make me take it down long before the police would get a chance too! Merry Christmas!

I guess our logo does look a little like a binkey, after all!

We hope the new website will pacify many as they seek to reach and teach kids for Jesus!

Check out the walk about videos at these links:

What is Kidology? and Who is Karl?

For an overview of all that is new, be sure to visit: What’s New?

GM’s New Signature Car!

“The new GM (Government Motors) proudly introduces the 2010 Obama! This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through nauseating left turns.  It comes complete with two Teleprompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any taxes. The transparent canopy reveals the naive smiles still on the faces of all the happy owners.” (shamelessly copied from an e-mail forward)

Hope you enjoyed the laugh. Don’t take it too seriously people, but do think seriously about the impact of one president spending more in 100 days than ALL previous presidents combined. You can’t blame that on your predecessor.

Be sure to send Sara a congrats e-mail!

So I continued, “What you are doing is not right. Shouldn’t you WALK?”
- Nehemiah 5:9

I am God Almighty, WALK before me!
- Genesis 17:1

Observe what the LORD your God requires: WALK.
- I Kings 2:3

I was cleaning out some old file draws at my office and came across these, and thought others might get a kick outta them. Please, don’t take it too seriously! It’s all in fun. Post on the walls of your church at your own risk!

But with no further ado, here is the entire program in seven parts:

PART 1: Magic White Board Option for Multi-Site Churches

PART 2: Baby Fred and it Stinks to be a Baby

PART 3: Karl and Snowball

PART 4: Gus on Multi-Personality Churches, er Multi-Site

PART 5: Gus Invents WWID (What Would I Do?)

PART 6: The Gus Raps (Kids in the Word & Yo God!)

PART 7: Gus Becomes a Ventriloquist (and the Clean Room Rap)

Hope you enjoy the show! It was a fun evening and the kids seemed to respond really well. This was the first time since High School that I did an entire program with just puppets, but they had a magician last week and I thought it would be too similar to do a magic show, so I decided to do something different. Seems Baby Fred ended up being the most popular, surpassing even Gus in comments afterwards.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note, though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you:

1. Put both lids of the toilet up, and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power-wash’ and rinse’.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

Move over, Darth Vader, there is a new generation of half-machine; half-man! And his name is Lightening McQueen! Seems even grown-ups can still use their imaginations!

So nice to know others share my struggles!

You can now watch ALL the 101 ToyBox Tales instantly via embedded flash, no more need to download first. And for those who want the downloads for showing at church, they are now all available on one page. Free for Kidology.org members or directly on www.ToyBoxTales.com for a very nominal once-in-a-lifetime fee.

So jump over and check out the ALL NEW www.ToyBoxTales.com and enjoy some Bible stories like you’ve never seen them before!

I’m so excited! Why oh why did we buy those season passes? I can’t believe they didn’t notify me before they posted this on the Disney site and broadcast on the news! Whoo-hoooo! I’m trying to figure out now how to call and claim the prize.

Thanks to Trisha Joy who let me know about this via Facebook, you made my day!

Got some encouraging feedback on over the years:

“This is your best yet. I showed this episode to my class this past Sunday and they loved it. It had us all laughing. I especially like the ending when Dude flies off and forgets his baby the 1st time and then the 2nd time and finally remembers to take the baby the last time.”
Frank Torres, CA

The kids enjoy you, but we youth workers do too! I almost wish we had a Sunday Night Live telecast for the high school and college groups featuring, of course, Toybox Tales. Thanks for allowing God to use you in such a creative and wonderful way. My favorite is the Dude of Grattitude, with take your baby to work day attached–of course.
Lynne M. Thompson, Modesto, CA

So, enjoy this FLASH BACK: The Dude of Gratitude

If you want to download it to show in children’s church, be sure to visit the original post page. If you use it, let me know, it’s always encouraging!

I could swear (though I don’t) that she said, “Just put it in the oven at 350, it will heat up better than in the microwave.” I was a little surprised, thinking she meant just put the box in, so I answered, “Really? Just put it in the oven?” She replied, “Yes.”

So I did. I set the timer for 20 minutes but about 15 into it the kitchen smelled of smoke. I was on the phone with my dad giving Kid U highlights when my wife comes in crying, “Did you put the BOX in the oven?!?!?”

I said “Yes, just like you told me too.” Turns out it was on fire!

The fire was quickly put out, and after all the excitement, the pizza was fine, though it definitely had that “smoked” flavor! Please tell me we aren’t the only couple with communication problems.

The lesson learned? Best to just let the wife prepare the food and I’ll stick to clean up duty!

Seems like six little crackers should be possible, but alas, it is truly impossible!

Go ahead, try it!

Kinda creepy, huh?

What is your guess for what this is for?